It was that airport smell.
Like trying to describe the "new car" smell , I was lost in it. I had just landed in California and I felt like a stranger in a very strange land. As an adult cautiously approaching middle age, it was fair to say I am not well travelled and that in truth I had never really travelled on the Solo.
Just a few hours ago I had made the drive down from the windy mountain to the familiar tent tops of DIA to fly out on an adventure by my self. No kids. No husband.
Just me.
Would I miss my gate because I couldn't hear departures being called? What if I couldn't understand the security agents? Being by my self was nerve wracking because I felt alone and vulnerable in a world of very busy and short travelers . My flight was uneventful but I was so nervous anyway. The last year had been so hard. Harder than I thought it would be emotionally and mentally.
Losing Mackenzie had rocked my heart. She was my first dog as an adult and such a major part of my life that when she passed in my arms, I felt shattered and lost in the subsequent weeks. Mourning is a weird thing and people mourn dogs as much as the loss of a child. I reminded my self that this journey I was partaking was a part of the healing process. As much as I felt exposed and lost.. I found my two feet firmly planted in California. Palm trees greeted me. Instead of my jeep, I was packed into the tiny KIA that advertised amazing economy. I was another face among so many.
Everyone seemed so… busy. Hectic.
As people walked around me I simply took things in. That airport smell again . The lazy breeze passing through the fanning palms. So many cars passing by under the fly over bridge. A very strange wall made sheerly from tail lights, winking and glistening in the afternoon sun. Immediately I missed my husband. I had never in our marriage traveled without him. I wanted him to see these new sights with me and in some way to shelter me. Though I loved adventure, I loved the man more. He however had guided me to where I stood now. Through our many conversations he had supported me in embracing a dream, connecting and seeing it through and now embarking on a unexpected journey . However he would be tucked away at home safely with our children and dogs while I did this on my own.
Soon enough I was home for the night, in a comfortable little Hotel that my breeder had suggested, tucked away from the hustle and bustle among gently sloping hills and just a few boulders. I unpacked my marmot bag and laid out the quilts I had made and brought with me. One was for my puppy and one was a gift for my breeder Mechelle. I wondered what she would think. Would she like it? Would she like me? I had so many questions, I hardly slept that night to be honest, I should not have worried. Mechelle and her husband were awesome! The next morning they picked me up for breakfast and introduced me to a wonderful little breakfast joint. It was interesting to be in the company of two people who flowed and fit into their community so well. Everyone knew everyone. They were kind, funny and gracious. I couldn’t have been with better people! It was like being home in my small town, which oddly enough I missed at that moment.
Before I knew it we were at Mechelles house and it was the moment. I was scared, not of Mechelle or even this puppy, I was scared I wouldn’t love her like I had my late dachshund. I was afraid that the ache wouldn’t fade. I was a mess of butterflies, peeking over the puppy box to three very wiggly, very perfect little puppies. Little red was my puppy, she leapt and bounded, scrabbling along the sides of the box with enthusiasm that only a puppy can possibly muster.
I would later cry when I got in my car with this little puppy at my hotel, but in the moment I was just enthralled with the dogs, Mechelle and the peace of her home tucked away from the buzzing impatience of the city. I felt the heartache ease a bit as I looked at this wiggly waggly puppy, I was so grateful in the moment but lost in how to express it. Mechelle was patient and a wonderful host, answering my many questions, showing me how to stack and telling me about the things to come with this puppy. Our time was not terribly long as there was an owner coming to collect another one of the three girls, so soon enough I was off on my own with this puppy.
I had dreamt of this puppy for months, waited and talkin with Mechelle as litters moved along. I remember feeling the same way when I brought my babies home. Overwhelmed, but excited, terrified I would hurt this fragile little thing! I tried to facetime my husband but he was busy so I sent him a video, Lil cheese was crying, I was crying. It was a moment, not of sadness but in my humble opinion : healing,
There was however something important I needed to do. A promise I have made to my husband, He made me swear I would go see the ocean with our new puppy. I had never seen the ocean —not even once. I had never walked a real beach, or put my toes in the sand,. It was a must he said.
I ended making my way with the remaining hour and a half I had with my rental car to Mission Bay. I couldn't believe how windy it was. It was so warm too, I let Cheese play in the grass while we watched the waves roll in. A face time with the kids happened and I unintentionally became a local celebrity to all the children because well... who doesn't love a puppy! We walked in the sand, and laid in the sun together soaking up that California sunshine.
The rest of our trip home was a bit of a mess, My rental car company demanded my car back on time or else big fees and possible taking my first born son due to the massive shortage of rentals- so back to the airport we went! It was a bit of a comedy of errors and small moments of hilarity.
I got held up in security because everyone wanted to double check the puppy, and my bags tripped both the machine and the dog on duty which meant a bit of a more thorough inspection to get through, There were a few selfies involved and the puppy got snuggles to go.
When we did finally get past security I found myself bumped from my flight and on stand by for another 4 hours. I was again the local celebrity with the puppy as I ended up sitting on the floor due to lack of seats while three delayed flights were squished into our gate. Naturally I ended up with kids because puppy! We ended up napping against the wall for two hours while waiting with everyone with about four kids and two other adults. We were a small pack for a bit there!
It was close to midnight by the time I put my feet back into my home state with a tired and hungry puppy. When I found my jeep we flew into the night with the intention of being home in no time. However I only made it half way home before my tire went flat and I had to get creative with half of a tire repair kit, super glue, a lighter and my air pump. It was closer to 2:15 a.m. when I slowly climbed up our drive way, easing past a few stray mule deer to come to a grateful rest in my usual spot as my tire went flat for the last time.
I managed to sneak past sleeping dogs who bark at the faintest spider sneezes, creaky stairs and my own children and thier super ears to where the man of the house slumbered. I slipped a wiggly puppy under the blanket with him and snuck off for a few minutes to gather my items, puppy's blanket and my phone. We played with the puppy for a few minutes before I promptly fell asleep. Kevin had tucked the puppy in with me before he left for work a few hours later and woke me up .
It was an adventure that I will never forget and would do again a thousand times. Cheese brings so much happiness and purpose to us all. She is wild, but tender, brave but at times the biggest scardicat in our home. She is helping me to do things for my self, to follow my dream and achieve something purely for my me. While she is in no way a replacement for my beloved Mackenzie, Cheese is my soul dog as well.
She is my best friend and truly I am blessed for the many adventures I hope we get to embark on!
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